"I was my own worst enemy?" My journey to learning how to love myself unconditionally.
It all began when I woke from a dream in September of 2015 with a clear message running through my mind. “YOU HAVE TO PROTECT DEANNA FROM DEANNA!!” I thought, “What does that mean? Why do I have to protect Deanna from Deanna?” and the answer was, “You are your own worst ENEMY!” And then I thought, “well, what does one do when faced with the enemy?” You either run away (flight) or you kill (fight) the enemy. I couldn’t do either. I can’t run away from myself and I do not want to kill myself so what do I do? I kept asking the question all morning, “What do I do? What do I do?”
Then midmorning the answer came as clear as day, “LOVE YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY!”“What? What does that mean? How do I love myself unconditionally? What does that look like? What does that feel like? How do I do it? Then life began answering my questions and windows and doors started opening for me. Then began my journey of the beginning of loving myself unconditionally.
I began seeing a therapist. I learned Kriya Yoga. A daily practice of meditation and yoga. The Kriya Yoga was about self-Love. I began my daily morning Devotion to Kriya Yoga. For the very 1st time in my life… I was starting to love myself unconditionally.
That was just the beginning of my journey of learning how to love myself unconditionally.
I started doing things that felt great. My new life mantra became: “There is nothing more important than feeling great!” I was no longer willing to compromise my well-being for anyone else. Deanna the Pollyanna was on a permanent sabbatical.
My Soul was guiding me, I was listening. It was time for me to take my power back. I could feel the encouragement and support from my Inner Being. It was no longer going to let me get in my own way of loving myself unconditionally! Yahoo it was the beginning of my own liberation. I was free to be ME!
At the age of thirty-eight, I became aware that I had been verbally and energetically silenced my entire childhood. As a child, when I spoke my Truth (expressed myself), if it was opposite of most adults’ beliefs or conditioning, I would be punished, ignored and/or dismissed.
It was August 17, 1992, just three months after my Dad’s transition into non-physical. (AKA - death) and the day before my Mom’s birthday. The portrait I had painted of my Dad was framed and ready to present to my Mom at a luncheon I was hosting for her and her two best friends the following day. The day of her birthday.
Presenting myself well in public was a habit ingrained in me from childhood, from the moment I began dressing myself. My Dad would lecture my four siblings and me about the importance of personal appearance.